I went down to the river to pray Saturday, specifically to ask the question my heart had been repeating over and over. I told God that I was not angry, but I could not stop my heart from asking, “Why?” And so I asked. And asked. I was so loud that the geese were startled from their resting places. Up stream and down, the birds swam to the middle of the river looking around nervously with questions of their own. Two words came to mind: “In hope”.
Romans 8:20-21 The creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it * in hope* that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.
The frustration of all the plans Theresa and I had made…
Psalm 33:10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
Proverb 19:21 Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.
…plans to raise children, to do short term missions, to do rretirement-ministry in an orphanage somewhere, to put hardwood in the living room…
All the plans of all who dwell on earth are frustrated in hope. Our God hopes. God who is sovereign, good and wise, hopes for something: Glorious freedom for all.
Consider what you and the geese and the trees have in common. Know that God uses death and decay to point you beyond it, to a place, a person you cannot escape, even through death. You will meet the one who planned all of this. Is this your real hope? Are you ready? He hopes you will be.
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7 comments:
I wish I knew some way - beyond faith that He is always right and always loving- to know what God is doing. I think the why of Theresa and Heather's passings will always be in my mind and in my heart. Two such loving women who left such empty spaces in the landscape of the lives they touched. HOW could God need or want them more than we do - more than children and husbands and families? I accept but I can't even pretend to understand.
I know my God wants my trust and faith and my life - Theresa's passing has created confusion for me - I know God hears our groans and I am sure more than a few of us have yelled - WHAT are you doing and WHY? I wish I knew....
And I wish I could take some of the pain away........
I do know for certain this is a time for the family of Christ at BCC to be together in prayer, to be together as we grieve and pray for those whose grief is something beyond pain at this point...we cling to God and stay close to each other....
Praise God we have hope and we have Him when we lose hope ....perhpas in time, when grief loses its ripping and tearing edge, we will have understanding
HB
To Andy, Josiah, Katy, Alex and all of your family and friends.
You don't know me but my good friend, Susan Headon has shared your blogs with me. When I heard of Theresa's passing, I felt compelled to write you (I hope you don't mind)
You and your family have been on my mind during this journey that you have travelled (since the beginning). My heart aches for you yet in the same breath,I am in awe by the strength that you show. It's amazing to see the support that you have through your faith, your family and your friends.
As you said, it's hard not to ask "why?" Knowing that she is Home now gives some peace. Also, knowing that her memory is never gone. She's always in your heart and each day you look at your kids she's there. Even what may seem to be the littlest things - a sunset, a smell, the touch of something - you remember her.
I hope to find the same strength that you have shown when I am faced with the trials and tribulations that life has for me.
Most importantly, I want to thank you for sharing.
Stay strong and God Bless!
Melanie
Thank you for sharing this Andy.
Through pain and suffering God's word gives clarity. You have such a gift in showing that to us.
We need only to remember to turn to him, we know it is He who will strengthen us.
CZ
I recently moved to the area and in checking out BCC - 2 visits plus your site I learned of your blog.
Two weeks ago I saw this at the end of a death notice:
We walk with hope
And we ache with hope...
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope.
Praying for you and your family.
Ruth
Andy...Believe it or not I have been where you are now, screaming at the top of my lungs: WHY?
Maybe we arn't supposed to know the answer...so cling to God like its a lifeline from a sinking ship...remember YOUR TRUST, YOUR FAITH and BELEIVE IN HIM...God knows you are hurting right now, and with his help, and TIME you WILL GET THROUGH THIS...
I'm not sure I should suggest this but I recently read an article in the Hamilton Spec about an older fellow who had just lost his wife...What he did to aid in his healing, amazed me...He'd go to the cemetary, sit and talk to her and God, and then go home and write her a love letter!...When I read this, you immediately came to mind ...Its just a thought to help you heal...hope this helps...
Know you are not alone in your grief, remember that in some small way when you see your children Theresa is their too!
Andy...I thank God for using you, even at a time like this, to reach to us. Thru your grief comes insigt into Gods character that we all need, regardless of our struggles or difficulties...and we all have them. I am grateful to see you are clinging to Him...and "having it out" a little. He WILL make himself known when we ask in sincerity, and he can be your sufficiency.
Your brother in Christ
Oh Andy--thank you for articulating so well what we feel. I thought of this verse for you today--"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed." I was thinking of Theresa today playing the piano to "Everlasting God". I listened to the song--Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...you do not faint you won't grow weary." I will always think of her when I hear that.
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