Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Difference Between Being Needed and Being Loved

In our language, being needed is almost synonymous with being loved. If someone were to say, I don’t need you.” We would take it as a strong indication that we were not wanted, not loved, that we had lost our place of belonging and that we should consider leaving.

If someone were to say, “I love you, but I do not need you.” it could change the entire dynamic of the relationship. Rather than feeling necessary, but sometimes used, drained and discarded like an empty container, we could feel valued, wanted, even enjoyed, which frees one to love in the same way. The relationship becomes more mutual, more communal and in fact our place of belonging becomes that much more secure.

What if God did not need us but loved us? What if that were the model relationship that was intended to set precedent in the church? What if love were to replace neediness in all of our relationships? Would it convert selfishness to generosity? Would the reciprocity enhance and strengthen relationship and belonging as opposed to eroding it? Could we find security in love as opposed to anxiously making ourselves merely necessary?

Psalm 50:9 But I do not need the bulls from your barns or the goats from your pens.
10 for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.
11 I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are mine.
12 If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is mine, and all that is in it.

John 13:34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

1Peter 1:22 You were cleansed from your sins when you obeyed the truth, so now you must show sincere love to each other as brothers and sisters. Love each other deeply with all your heart.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

I wounder how capable in our limited selves we are to achieve a service to God and to fellow believers in which our need to be recognized AND loved if we only get the love. If we can overcome that, our service and our worship would be truly one way. A personal hurdle yet to be completely cleared...

HMMB said...

To my mind it is always better to be loved but not needed. If I am loved 'just because' then the love is by choice and has a purity not found in need. Need confuses love often I think - I have had the experience of someone loving me because it made them feel better or more whole - it is too big a burden for people.
God alone can withstand our need for him.

I know God does not need me - and how glorious is the love because it is pure and from the heart of the sovereign Lord.